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Decisions, Decisions.

So, I had a critique yesterday in my photography class. This was the first time I have really shown my project in “public” per se. I was pretty nervous. I had sent an email to my professor over a week ago asking if she could send the link for my blog to the class, as this blog is a huge part of the artwork. She did. The class had a week to check it out. Well, hardly anyone did. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I know it’s towards the end of the semester and everyone is scrambling to do their work, but I was rather frustrated. In a class that is as critique intensive as this, I would hope to get the same respect for my art as I give to the other students. I am just venting because this is really important to me. It’s very personal, and to put myself out there, work so hard and to be dismissed the way I was, was disappointing.

Anways, that being said, I wanted to talk about a few suggestions that were brought up. Here is an image of how I had the pictures displayed for the critique.

A huge idea that was brought up was whether I was aware of the camera when I took the photos of my real life self. I have been thinking about this all day. Does it matter, if I “pose”?  This is for documentation after all. I guess I have to consider what I’m documenting. Am I documenting a transformation within myself? How do I document that? I am consciously taking pictures of myself doing different tasks throughout the day, but I have to go and set up the camera and go back to doing what I was doing. Does that matter?  To be honest, this morning, for the first time, I “posed” outside reading a book and snapped a picture. I thought about it, and realized, I was just a model. I don’t know why I decided to pose this morning. I think I sometimes lose track of what it is I’m doing. Well if I even know..haha

I have found the project the last 9 days have really been helping my self perception. The more I look at the photos of my real life self. The more I don’t mind them. I’m not saying, I like them, But they aren’t so bad. Well, until this morning.

This is the image I “posed” for this morning. I don’t feel like it’s me.  I feel fat just looking at it. I was talking to someone yesterday about the idea that I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t think I ever have. I feel my personality, character traits, passion, intelligence, etc. are who I am, but they don’t fit in the body that I carry with me everywhere I go. I believe I am beautiful, but on the inside, not on the outside. My avatar Gracie allows me to feel beautiful on a whole different level.

What does all this mean? Why am I doing this? I think I’m just having an off day. Doubting myself.

I need to work through these questions though. What am I trying to show here. I can take pictures of Kris and Gracie all the time, but what does that mean? Why? Should I start focusing on specific subject matter? I think that is a key. What is the subject matter? Daily activities? What if the activities are the same everyday? Does that matter?

So anyway… I have a lot to think about as usual. I do have some ideas in my head, floating around up there, but can’t place them at this moment. I’m sure they will come up in future posts.

I will leave you with an image from Day 9, November 9th, 2009  if you don’t know. (Would you rather see the date on the images I show here? I’d love to hear your suggestions.)

And as always, thank you so much for your support!!! I welcome any feedback you’d like to offer.

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