Avatar Simulacrum
Photography Series, 2013-2014
"I'm not comfortable in my own skin."
Concept
Avatar Simulacrum documents the intersection of virtual identity and physical reality through a series of photographs featuring life-sized sculptural avatars painted with my abstract gestural patterns. These mannequin figures, adorned in the vibrant colors and flowing designs of my paintings, serve as physical manifestations of digital personas—avatars that have crossed the threshold from virtual space into the material world.
The title "simulacrum" references Jean Baudrillard's concept of copies without originals, representations that have become more real than reality itself. These painted avatars exist as neither purely virtual nor authentically physical, but as hybrid entities occupying the liminal space between digital and material existence.
The Painted Skin
By using my paintings as a "skin" for these sculptural forms, I literalize my ongoing statement that "I'm not comfortable in my own skin." The abstract patterns—gestural, colorful, and flowing—transform the anonymous mannequin bodies into something more beautiful and acceptable than flesh. The painted surface becomes a kind of armor, a protective layer that mediates between the vulnerable self and the judgmental world.
These patterns draw from elements of color-based gestural abstraction, neo-Baroque opulence, and decorative design traditions. The skin becomes canvas; the body becomes artwork. In this transformation, I explore whether we can find comfort in constructed beauty when natural appearance feels inadequate.
Urban Interventions
The photographs document these painted avatars placed throughout Los Angeles—outside McDonald's restaurants, in CVS pharmacy aisles surrounded by beauty products, next to fashion advertisements, and in other spaces saturated with commercial imagery about idealized bodies and lifestyles. These interventions create jarring juxtapositions between the handcrafted, artistic avatar and the mass-produced commercial environment.
The avatars become silent witnesses to our media-saturated culture, standing among the very advertisements and products that perpetuate impossible beauty standards. Their presence questions what constitutes authentic representation in a world where digital manipulation and commercial imagery dominate our visual landscape.
From Digital to Physical to Fragment
Originally conceived as part of a larger multimedia installation featuring both digital projections and physical sculptures, these avatars were later deconstructed—cut up and preserved in jars. This act of fragmentation speaks to the ephemeral nature of digital identity and the violence inherent in trying to make virtual experiences permanent in physical space.
The photographs now serve as the primary documentation of these works, creating another layer of simulation—images of physical representations of digital avatars. What remains is pure documentation, a photographic record of bodies that were never real but felt more authentic than the original.
Cultural Context
Avatar Simulacrum continues my exploration of identity construction in digital culture, extending the questions I began with Gracie Kendal in Second Life into physical space. The work examines how our relationship with our bodies has been fundamentally altered by digital media, virtual worlds, and the constant bombardment of idealized imagery.
These painted avatars suggest that perhaps the solution to being uncomfortable in our own skin isn't to change our bodies, but to reimagine what skin can be—to find beauty in pattern, color, and artistic expression rather than conforming to narrow definitions of physical perfection.
Legacy
The Avatar Simulacrum series bridges my early avatar work with my continuing investigation of how digital technologies reshape human experience. By bringing virtual personas into physical space, then documenting their intervention in commercial environments, the work reveals the complex negotiations between authentic and constructed identity that define contemporary life.
The ultimate fragmentation of these avatars—their cutting up and preservation as fragments—mirrors the fragmented nature of digital identity itself, where we exist in pieces across platforms, profiles, and virtual spaces, never quite whole, never quite real, but somehow more true than the physical selves we inhabit.
